Saturday, October 08, 2005

A burger with a side of bulemia

So last night, the Boyf and I went to Sassafraz in Yorkville for a bite. They have very good burgers, a smoking room and the kitchen is open until 2am. Hence the visit. We actually go there randomly from time to time. Besides the aforementioned benefits, the real draw is the hilariousness of the Yorkville clientele.

For example, a frail and jaundiced Paris Hilton wannabe sluts her way up to the piano waving a $10 bill (cheapo) towards the pianist and says "play me anything by Sade" in a trying-to-be-sultry voice that sounds strangely like a 45 year old Oprahfied housewife. When the pianist asks what her name is, she replies: "Princess". Hearing "this one goes out to Princess" followed by the melody of Smooth Operator is too much for me.

In another corner, an elderly fag is trying to court a very uninterested and apprehensive piece of chicken. The old guy is clearly unable to handle his booze after many years of poppers, shame and regret. He is totally plastered. He's practically evolving before my eyes. The old guy shifts around and very gracelessly falls sideways off his chair. He then proceeds to "regain" the half gram of dignity he still possesses by shouting "that wasn't supposed to happen" in a very angry voice. His date is now confused and embarassed, realizing that his life is a disaster. You can almost hear him humming "The Rainbow Connection" in his head in an attempt to psychically transport him to the innocence and promise of his pre-disaster days.

Along with those two examples, the general vibe is a mixture of the ridiculous and the creepy. Muscle bound and ultra primped men, Sex in the City cougars (still), Russian mobsters and their requisite bimbos. Everyone is talking about money in one way or another. Everything is a commodity. But it's amusing. And slightly tragic.

And then you have me and the Boyf, eating our burgers and discussing Celine Dion's post-Katrina neurotic tirade on Larry King and the potential that her arm-flailing gesticulations were really coded messages to terrorists.


At 8:31 AM, Blogger JR said...

So who barfed on whom?

At 2:18 PM, Blogger Genet said...

My mind barfed on everyone.

At 3:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do I find that clip on Mrs. Dion on Larry King?

At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Psychic dumb-dumb said...

Everytime I think of Sassafraz I think of Richard Crouse from 'Reel to Reel'. And evertime I think of Richard Crouse I think of Sassafraz (which is not very often, respectively)

Richard Crouse is probably, in my opinion, the most tollerable of the 'Reel to Reel' clan. The one I really cannot stand is that dumb twerp Katrina Onstad. Have you ever seen that idiot? And she's pregnant. There should be laws and rules for women such as herself. No one that ugly should be allowed to procreate! And don't even get me started with that other idiot...what's his name again...? That other guy that just rambles on and spews so much bull shit


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