How could you do this to me?

Hormonster has become enormous. So enormous in fact, that she has no choice but to leave work for a while.

That's right, she's having a baby! Next month! I find this all very exciting because a) I love Hormonster to death and b) this is the first time I really care about a person that I know who has gotten pregnant. I've even caught myself checking out baby stuff when I walk by it. Educational toys are my forté, but I also love tack, so this kid will be getting a variety of gifts from Uncle Mojen (Hormonster's formal name for me). I'm going to totally be the cool uncle... you know, the fun gay one that the little one will run away to when mom and dad are being nerds.

Anyhow, this all means that tomorrow is Hormonster's last day. (Cue tears). I can't believe she's abandoning me like this... I should have known she would leave me like everyone else does... I know I will see her frequently to visit the baby and bring her CDs to keep her up-to-date with music and all, but we've seen each other daily for ages and it will be very weird to have that change. For all her repulsive habits, cruelty and abysmal intellect, I love her tons. I'm going to miss her and that sucks. But I am stupidly happy for her, her husband and the lucky little girl that's going to pop out of her very soon.

Once again, I get the shit end of the stick. Thanks, Hormonster. Selfish bitch.