Mantra: Always 'Save to Drafts'

For the past two years or so, I have gotten into the satisfying yet dangerous hobby of writing hate e-mails. Let me explain... The sequence of events usually goes like this: spend the evening with the Boyf… drink too much/am suffering from fatigue… get home.... “remember” something about the evening which triggers a memory of something in the past the Boyf did that pissed me off… become irate… turn computer on… write a scathing e-mail to the Boyf declaring our break-up… re-read e-mail… try to remember why I’m angry… fail to remember… Reason gently tweaks my nipples… save e-mail to ‘Drafts’ folder… go to bed.

To date, I have avoided accidentally sending these e-mails to their intended recipient. While I do like living on the edge, this to me is a most risky habit. I rarely look over these e-mails again, but the other night I thought it would be fun to do so. One of them said: “If Lake Ontario was full of Pepto Bismol and I drank the whole fucking thing you would still make me nauseous”. These hate e-mails are in no way restricted to the Boyf. Family members are my second favourite one-way pen-pals. I thought that somehow this reeked of passive-aggressiveness, but since I’m the only one that knows they exist, I think I can just call this activity cathartic. If they ever did receive one, I would seriously have to enable the parental controls on my computer and ignore my feelings of guilt and panic to somehow convince them that I had a severe lapse in judgement and was trying to somehow be "funny".

Seriously, though, I have to be more careful. I love the Boyf too much to accidentally confuse/hurt him and I can't rely on Reason tweaking my nipples all the time.