Where's Richard Smith?

I feel strange. Sad, angry and happy. If the break-up is for real, there will be a part of me that is relieved, somehow. Another part of me, however, will be very unhappy.

I'm listening to Final Fantasy's 'Has a Good Home' album, which kind of became me and the Boyf's soundtrack over the past few months and it is making me feel weird. At the moment, it feels as though it is the only connection to him that I have. I have this romantic idea that he is doing the same. I know that Juk's visit is distracting me from the situation and when he leaves, I think I will feel worse than I currently do. It is amazing how afairs of the heart are invariably cliché. A variation of this situation has been happening daily around the world for all of time. That's all fine and makes me feel connected to the human race, but I'm talking about me and not an abstraction. I'm torn, like Natalie Imbruglia... I want to call and I don't... I want to see him and I don't...

Lyric from Final Fantasy:

It took two years to win my heart
And two words to break it
[...]
They say heartbreak is good for the skin
But all that it's helped is my drinking.

And:

I could fill up the lake
With all the things I didn't say
Had a good run, anyway

Yeah... I know.