Thursday, August 31, 2006


Umm... I saw the most bizarre thing on the web today...

What the fuck? How mental are these children going to be when they grow up? If God is this tacky, no wonder he's not trendy any more.

Yet further evidence that Christian fundamentalist psychos have no understanding of spirituality- YOU CAN'T WEAR IT, FUCKWITS. How can so many millions take everything so literally that it becomes a bad parody of religion (or any kind of meaning)? Hilarious and depressing all in one.

Click here to order your pyjamas.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Genet is fucking awesome and very stupid at the same time

I was planning for my next post to be something intellectual or at least impersonal, but fuck that... I haven't experienced anything that is more interesting than my sordid-banal life recently, so let's dispense with the 6-or-so billion humans that pollute this planet and the 1000s of years of history they collectively share. Cuz really, my weekend was waaaaaaaay more riveting.

Having said that, I will not go into details that may reveal my sentimental side since I'm trying to maintain an aura of jaded aloofness on this thing. The important thing is that I had a very beautiful weekend with the Boyf that helped to cement my already deep love for him. We also had fantastic sex.

On Friday, we went to see the David Cronenberg-curated Andy Warhol exhibit at the AGO. I've never been a huge fan of Warhol's work and while this experience didn't change that, it was illuminating. Cronenberg's take on his work was probably more interesting to me than the work itself and that is a pretty impressive impression of the exhibit, methinks. The Boyf did something tremendously hilarious during our AGO visit, but I'll recount that another time.

Last night, we saw The Russian Futurists and Junior Boys in concert at the El Mo. They are two of my favourite local bands and the concert was deeply satisfying... the kind of satisfying that is rare but fills you with comfort and happiness. I really wish that it could have lasted for days.
After the concert, the Boyf and I spent many hours laughing at our stupid jokes which became increasingly abstract, surreal and harsh.

I just got back from the local pub and pulled one of my trademark bimbo clueless moves. I've had the impression that a waiter at the local is "heteroflexible" and has indicated that he is interested in me at some level for a long period of time now. Just as I was about to leave, I joked that I wished the bar had a take out alcohol service, which he misheard. He thought that I was using "take-out" and "delivery" as euphemisms for "top" and "bottom", so he responded with "I deliver". I, in my bimbastic glory, had no idea what he was talking about. After several moments of me blankly staring at him like an Alzheimer's victim, I got what he meant. Of course, it was too late at that point and the moment had been cremated. Moral of the story? It's way easier to just hump my leg than use cryptic language if you want to get your mouth/hands/ass around my uncut cock, or vice-versa.

Let's all try to be more forward, direct and comfortable when we want to express our attraction to someone. It may not be reciprocated, but at the very least, they will feel good because everyone wants to be wanted, we won't have bullshit "what ifs?" running around our heads and we can use that time to get a detailed memory-imprint of the hottie which can later be used as a visual aid for a jerk-off session. Might not be a full-on win-win, but it's not exactly Katrina either, non?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Finally back on Eastern Daylight Time

In a potentially alarming indication that I am indeed aging, it has taken me much longer than usual to get over my jet-lag. Today is the first day I haven't felt that I needed a crystal meth addiction to keep me awake. I suppose that means that I am now 100% back home. I hope that the good spirits my trip fostered will decide to move in with me and not take the first one-way flight back to London. I'm not too concerned as we are getting along very well.

I spent some time with my fellow pousto-levendi, the incomparable Niko on Monday night, which was great. I rarely get the chance to speak Greek in a homo context and as I have written about before, the idiosyncrasies of the Greek psyche are pretty difficult for those unfamiliar with the culture to fully understand it, so it's always refreshing to discuss Greek things with a fellow insider. And when that insider is as intelligent, funny and kind as Niko, it makes for great convo over some retsina, dolmadakia and Greek sausages. Thanks, Nikolaki!

The highlight of the day today was the purchase of Pet Shop Boys tickets for the Boyf and myself. I love them. They write great melodies, are great lyricists and their work is interesting, culturally/politically aware and intelligent. How many other poppy-dance outfits would even contemplate writing a new soundtrack to Eisenstein's seminal Battleship Potemkin? Just think how absolutely lost Britney would be reading that last sentence- it would be enough to make her drop her baby in a confused haze...

Before I sign off, I'd like to share a small, yet highly amusing piece of random information that I learned today. Reuter's correspondent in war-torn Sudan is named... (drumroll)... Opheera McDoom. Unbelievably, this is not a joke. Not only can I not believe that these two names are real, I am stunned that they are coupled together. Here's an example of her work to assuage any guilt I may feel about reducing the woman to a punchline. It also confirms that this is not bullshit. I hope for her that her name is not an omen, the poor thing.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Le voyage - Goodbye, Londres!

Had a great time in that former imperial capital. London- I love you, terror threats and all.

I'm now back in Toronto and getting back to my routine, which is far more tolerable after having had this brief change of environment. I felt like I lived in London in a tin
y pink bachelor pad for 9 days. It was very comfortable and good. Maybe it's being part of the Commonwealth, but I think that the culture shock would be far greater if I was in another city and since I wanted to maximize psychological comfort, I'm glad I crossed the pond. In many ways, London felt like a larger and older version of Toronto which can only be a good thing.

Seeing my friends was the absolute best part of the trip and made me realize how much I really miss their presen
ce. Whippy came all the way from Scarbra! The trip was actually very calm and relaxed, which is what I really needed. Of course there were surreal moments, like the time a Jamaican woman started to french me in a gay bar while giving me poppers and jerking me off. I also reconciled with an old flame, which was nice. Oh... and I threw a coming out party for Paddington Bear. The photos will be posted below. London seems to house at least 49 million homos which is very convenient and happy. What's more, there is a fantastic club night called Horsemeat Disco which feels very early 80s in the best way. That enough could compel me to fly over for a weekend.

Being back at home has been uneventful but I feel recharged. The Boyf and I have spent some time together and Niko is in town which is fantastic.

Not much else to say, really. At least nothing I can think of, so all 4 of you readers are updated. I will sign off by telling y'all about a hilariously pretentious thing some middle-class Londoners do... they will transform the name of their district to sound more "Continental" or sophisticated.... example: Vauxhall (normally pronounced vox-hall) becomes-- vos-all. Battersea (bat-er-see) = ba-ter-zee-a. Clapham (clap-am) = Claaam. I find that hysterically pompous and useless. But I love the fact that London is big and diverse enough to include such idiots and that everyone mocks those nerds.

Now, here's Paddington...

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Le voyage - Hello, Londres

Firstly, Europe really needs to invent air-conditioning. It’s not even that hot here and my room is 8000 degrees… In Bath, I couldn’t open my window because there were crazy falcons and seagulls circling my hotel all day long. There was a flock of seagulls (not the band, the animal) that woke me up every day at 5am… A friend of mine told me that a seagull actually flew into his flat in Bath and ransacked the place, shitting everywhere and going mental. HOLY NIGHTMARE.

Anyhoo… the wedding was very lovely. Jumble was gorgeous and the meal was stupidly amazing. Afterward, we all gathered at the newlywed’s house for a party complete with fireworks.

When the night started to wind down, Jumble kinda lost it and started bawling because she wanted it to be me and her getting married. Clearly, her hubby was distressed and I was uncomfortable. But she was drunk and kept chasing me screaming “my dress is part of your body” and tried to snare me into her bridal gown, so she was in state to listen to reason.

I spend the past couple of days wandering around Bath and have been tremendously relaxed. I got to London today and am in love with my hotel- I basically have a bachelor apartment with a maid, I have loads of groceries in the kitchen, the subway (sorry, Tube... steak... penis... yum) is ten steps away and an off-license (ie: liquor store) around the corner. I'm now ready to take London on. The one hilarious thing is that my room is really... feminine. As in pick checkered bedsheets and pink polka-dot pillows. At first I was uneasy, but now I feel like a pre-teen girl circa 1987 and it's strangely amusing.

I'll post photos later...

Finally, a big congratulations to Nick (Niko) + Mason being officially welcomed to move to Canada. Can't wait to call you guys Torontonians!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Le voyage - Bath is pretty

I arrived in Bath yesterday afternoon after an easy-breezy flight from Toronto. Went for drinks with my soon-to-be-married friend (Jumble), got some room service and crashed. I tried to watch some British TV, but the only thing on was a very boring reality program that showed a cop waiting in his car on some country road and talking about the mechanics of breathalyzers. He eventually arrested a drunk driver and it was all very civilized and uneventful.

Today, I wandered around town, bought the
Time Out Gay Guide to London, ate a crappy pasta and napped. Bath is very beautiful and touristy, but the tourists don't detract from its charm. Ew, I hate the word charm...

Anyhow, today has been a lazy first real day of the holiday.
Just got back from Jumble's and am getting ready for bed as the wedding is early tomorrow morning. I'm paranoid that I'm going to sleep through it.

So, no adventures yet... There's a "poof" bar up the road from my hotel, so I'll check that out Sunday night, but the bar hours here are bizarre, so I'm not sure it will be open but I'll figure something out.

This is my favourite thing I saw today (well, besides some hot beefy Brit boys)...

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

...can't... breathe...

Holy shit, it is hot.

It is 48 degrees celcius (118 F) with the humidity.

This is gross.

You Could Use Me