Office-mates

I'm generally a social person, but for some reason, I have not warmed up to the fellow tenants in our office building. After 7 years, I have barely spoken to any of them, although they have become the cast in an imaginary play I am producing in my head. I see them every day and have developed a strange yet mute relationship with them that is totally one-sided.

While they are usually just forgettable, there are a couple of these people that stand out. They randomly appear every time I step out of our office, like some hideous Jack-In-The-Box. It's bizarre... they will literally surround me, Yiaourti and Kaseri whenever we go out for a smoke... but they never speak. Here are some of the crew (you've already met Waterloo):

• RAT - This woman looks like a devious, lesbian rodent, especially when she wears her toque. She just stands there, creepily staring... very eerie.
• STAIR-MASTER - This chick spends her entire day going up and down the stairs. I don't think she even works here. Her face has a constant pained look, as if she's about to burst into tears. I have to restrain myself from pushing her.
• ARTISTIC PRIDE PARADE - This fellow is all teeth and thick-framed glasses. He looks like a three meter tall pine needle. But a very gay one. His lisp is so intense that it breaks glass. Once, he walked by me and mumbled "that'sssssssss sssssssssso crazzzzzzzzy" and I thought I was going to faint.
  
• PODI - This means foot in Greek and refers to our friend's obsession with sandals. I have seen his feet at least 46,000 times. In reality, I would do him in an instant, but he's still annoying. He LOVES cars and motorcycles and I think he has 145 of each. Once, he was showing off his "Harley" to a co-worker and said : "You never touch another guy's bike... It's like a woman". In his favour, he is husky and has a couple of tats, so I don't mind looking at him as long as he doesn't speak.
• MOROSE HAT - Totally stuck in '94. He's always brooding, as if Kurt Cobain's spirit moved in to his body. He seems like he is simmering with violence and is unbelievably pale... generally, a storm-cloud on legs.
• SOPHIA LOWRENT - This one acts like a rejected member of Monaco's royal family. I don't think that she knows where she is.
• SAD PERSIAN - He is a cook at the restaurant downstairs. His secret ingredient is tears. He is strangely endearing, like a donkey or a koala bear.
  

Retraction

It seems as though I was wrong about Morrissey and humping. He is a poof after all, as evidenced by some lyrics from his new album:

And I am so very tired
Of doing the right thing
Dear God, please help me

There are explosive kegs
Between my legs
Dear God, please help me

Will you follow and know
Know me more than you do
Track me down
And try to win me?

Then he motions to me
With his hand on my knee
Dear God, did this kind of thing happen to you?

Now I'm spreading your legs
With mine in-between
Dear God, if I could I would help you

And now I am walking through Rome
And there is no room to move
But the heart feels free

Delicious. Sorry, 'bout that Moz. See, I told you the celibacy things was dumb. Welcome to Homoland.

Appropriate Poem

The Boyf gave me this poem by my favourite Greek poet Kavafis (Cavafy) to mark the year anniversary of my father's death. It was a very good choice and I like it even without the meaning attached to it by the Boyf. I thought that I would share it with y'all.

Thermopylae
K. Kavafis (1903)

Honour to those who in their lives
have defined and guard their Thermopylae.
Never stirring from duty;
just and upright in all their deeds,
yet with pity and compassion too;
generous when they are rich, and when
they are poor, again a little generous,
again helping as much as they can;
always speaking the truth,
yet without hatred for those who lie.

And more honour is due to them
when they foresee (and many do foresee)
that Ephialtes will finally appear,
and that the Medes in the end will go through

.
Background:
In 480 BC, Xerxes led the Persians (Medes) and invaded Greece. The Spartan king Leonidas, in charge of 7000 Greeks, was ordered to cut the advance of the Persian army at Thermopylae (in central Greece), a narrow strip of land between the sea and impassable mountains. The Persian army, 250,000 strong, attacked twice and was forced to retreat, due to the fact that the passage was so narrow that they could not fully deploy their force. However, an avaricious local farmer, Ephialtes, led a force of Persian infantry through a mountain passage and next morning they appeared behind the Greek lines. Leonidas ordered the rest of the army withdraw, and held the passage with 300 Spartans. As a true Spartan, he chose death over retreat; all 300 Spartans, including Leonidas, died, but held the Persians long enough to ensure the safe withdrawal of the rest of the Greek army.

I used to love you, but it's slipping

Oh, Morrissey... You have given me so much pleasure over the years. I was willing to overlook some of your stupidities, especially your frankly ridiculous celibacy. Your high-dramatics were charming. But now, you've lost me...

According to you, Canada has "placed itself alongside China as the cruelest and most self-serving nation." Of course, coming from someone who penned an album called Meat Is Murder, this is obviously about the seal cull. While I am not a fan of the hunt, I am finding the parade of foreign celebrities going ape-shit a trifle annoying. If seals looked like tarantulas, I suspect the outcry would be much more muted. Yes, it is a barbaric practice, however, I am not familiar enough with environmental reasons either for or against to make an objective judgment. I just know that it doesn't look very nice and I would prefer it not to happen.

But saying that Canada is the world leader of cruelty and greed is histrionics gone mad. Then this tidbit is just way out of line: "Construction of German gas chambers also provided work for someone - this is not a moral or sound reason for allowing suffering." Perspective, Moz... perspective. Morrissey, mon ami, your country is currently engaged in an illegal war that, three years on, continues to lead to thousands of human deaths. All for very dubious reasons. I guess nobody's perfect, eh?

So, sadly, I will not be seeing a Morrissey concert thanks to his boycott. Boo. He's been painfully hit-or-miss without Johnny Marr anyway. Maybe instead of playing Toronto, he could entertain the British troops in Basra? He should just be careful that some overly-enthusiastic soldiers (you remember our videotapped friends) don't gay-bash him after the gig... but wait... he's mysteriously not gay. Or straight. Or bi.

I'm going to go listen to The Queen is Dead now.

...

It's a year to the day since my father died.

The amount of change in my life has been unreal and I was totally unprepared for it all.

A year later and my feelings about the whole things are still very confusing. The one certainty is that I miss him very, very much.

Not much else to say today, folks.

I thought you guys were my friends...

Umm... not that I expect billions of people to frequent this crap-ass blog, but really folks, the lack of comments is just getting annoying. Apart from a couple of trusty readers, the rest of you pop in here, read this shit and potentially giggle. Regardless, it passes your time and does something for you. So... I'm doing something for you but as far as I know, you don't exist. Let's not beat around the bush... you're using me. So not cool, peeps.

It hurts.

Wouldn't I make an amazing Greek mother with the whole guilt thing? I know... I've had an incredible mentor for 29 years.

Maudlin

I know I've been blogging about the Boyf a lot recently and I do feel weird about it... kind of like a 13 year old girl that is obsessed with New Kids On The Block. I apologize, but he's very much on my mind right now.

There are moments- such as this one - when I love the Boyf so much that I feel like jumping out of my skin and ingesting him whole. I feel such an intense love for him that I almost want to beat him- in an 'overwhelmed-with-affection' kind of way. Then, I get all melodramatic and wish that I had never met him in order to spare my emotions the tumult of caring about someone. At these times, I find it difficult to understand how one could ever be satisfied with another person... It may seem hyperbolic, but when this feeling sets in, the fucker becomes a kind of infinite "thing" that I want to posses. That sounds so gross but it's the only way I can explain it. By the way, when I say that I wish I could ingest him, I actually picture myself opening my mouth and swallowing his entire body... I'm not joking.

As I generally like to project an aura of aloofness and emotional control, this feeling is as unsettling as it is satisfying. Add to that a healthy pessimistic streak and the requisite insecurities, and we have a veritable orgy of internal neuroses. The Boyf is oblivious to all this, though, thanks to my aforementioned aloofness... I could be in the midst of a psychological rape and still appear to be casually planning a dinner party. This facade does have its limits... last night, I inadvertently upset him and he became all awkward and flustered. Seeing him like that completely broke my heart. So I shot him.

When I woke up this morning, I ordered him some flowers. How gay! As far as I can tell, there are no other ways to convey the feeling of love without resorting to cliché. True to form, I did ensure that the card would compensate for the cheese... It reads "I love you like a desert mystery", which is what I genuinely thought the lyrics to 'Missing' by Everything But The Girl were (they are actually "I miss you like the deserts miss the rain").

Aside: there's a dumb song that I heard in Greece and totally love... I downloaded it last night for the Boyf and I thought he was going to barf andassassinatee me. The song is totally horrendous, but the main reason for his upset is that the girl sings "my neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack". Bravo.

Anyhow, we once had a conversation about this sappy yet good "love" feeling and decided that we wished we could absorb each other's souls, have our souls sweat out of our pores and create an eco-system of our own. How transcendently corny yet beautiful, non? Oh my God, I am 100% feta. And I love it. Sort of. Mostly, I love me and he is irrelevant in that relationship, so in essence, he is an accessory... like a bracelet or a cowboy hat. A nice accessory, granted, but it's not like he's oxygen. The Boyf = emotional prop? Perhaps. I love him.

I need to shut up. Thank you for indulging me, my loves.

Don't make me get all Mediterranean on your ass

Went over to the Boyf's last night after work. We had a couple of drinks and I got drunk within seconds... it was bizarre. Normally this would happen if I hadn't eaten or had a bad sleep, but this time I just randomly hit some weird alcohol wall. This blog makes it seem as though I am constantly drunk, but alas, this is not the case in reality.

Having said that... In my drunken state, I decided to introduce the Boyf to some aspects of Greek culture that he hadn't yet experienced. He's already familiar with the food and the psychotic family, but some things are totally foreign to him. With my handy-dandy iPod in tow, I busted out the tsiftedelia. This is a type of music best described as belly-dancy. Being a Greek fag, I innately know how to move to the music and when done properly with a partner, it can be very hot. The Boyf, however, is a total loser when it comes to such things. I tried to teach him, but it was useless. He looked like he suddenly became disabled. Meanwhile, there's me, totally into it and super-perfect, shaking my ass like some Adonis. Watching the Boyf flailing and confused made me angry and ruined the moment for me, so I abruptly turned the music off and said "Stop moving your body... you're so gross! We managed to give you civilization and you can't even move your ass... Useless." Five minutes later I felt bad and we made out.

Rimless horror

As previoulsy mentioned, I busted my glasses a while ago and have only now come around to ordering a new pair. I decided I needed a new look, so anything was up for grabs... especially my ass and groin. Hee hee. Anyhow, moving right along... the very kind salesman approaches:

Salesman: Would you like to see our rimless designs?
Genet: You mean frameless.
SM: They're the same thing.
Genet: Let's just call them frameless, then.
SM (perplexed): OK...?

You see, I love rimming (or, rimjobs as they are also known). I love getting rimmed and I love giving rims. Therefore, the term 'rimless' fills me with dread and I refuse to live in a world without them, even if the word is being used in a completely different context.

Anyhow, I ended up getting the frameless glasses and should have them by next Tuesday.

Nuit Blanche

Here's some civic news that got me horny today (it really doesn't take much) and reinforced my amour for Toronto. A highlight for me is is that restaurants, bars and stores will also be open for the duration of the event.

Paris, France introduced Nuit Blanche to the world in October 2002. This all-night free celebration of contemporary art was an enormous success and many cities have followed suit. In 2006, Toronto joins the international ranks of Brussels, Rome, Madrid and Paris to become the most recent Nuit Blanche city.

From sunset to sunrise, Torontonians will be invited to encounter the city in a unique way and rediscover Toronto through public art commissions, all-night exhibitions, live performances and creative programs featured throughout the city. This cultural rendezvous also opens the doors to private and public buildings usually closed after dark.

For one sleepless night the familiar will be discarded and Toronto will become the artistic playground for a series of exhilarating contemporary art experiences.

It will be Sept 30 - Oct 1. Let's all go!

Bush's brain is made of baba ganoush

OK. According to Georgie Wargie Bush, 50 - 60 Iraqis dying a day in sectarian violence does not yet constitute a civil war. What is it then...? Just a really intense and long argument? And regardless, is this situation somehow acceptable? 3 years in and the place is a total disaster. Who, at this point, even remembers the elusive WMDs?

Hopefully, this experience will teach future US administrations that unilateralism and the pre-emtive neo-con doctrine are not very wise policies.

Work Game, Volume 9

Yiaourti is our receptionist and she discovered a fantastic new feature on the phone. You call up an extension and then join that extension to another one. When done properly, it seems as if the one extension has called the other, but really, this call has been made solely by the receptionist. Both parties on the phone think that they have been randomly called by the other extension, resulting in much confusion. It's almost creepy.

Genet is barely human

I don't know why, but I have seriously fallen in love with alcohol this weekend. It's totally out of control. Yes, I have had "one too many" plenty of times, but the past 3 days have been ridiculous. I've only slept 4 hours, I've had countless drinks but I haven't eaten anything. Why has this happened you ask...? I have absolutely no explanation.

My eyes hurt. My hair hurts. I am completely baffled and I look like a junkie.

Oh my God, this is weird.

Apart from that, I'm great. I can tell that I am slipping into insanity because random things are making me very angry- example: I threw my pillow at the TV because someone said "soba noodles" and it totally pissed me off. Not normal.

I am going to have a fantastic sleep tonight. If I don't, I will be a complete asshole tomorrow and that isn't nice.

Friday night à la Genet

This morning I woke up hungover and horny. I was alone at the office last night and eyeing some bottles of champagne we have lying around, I decided it would be fantastic if I shared a bottle of bubbly with myself. I then went to the Boyf's place in a tipsy state and within 20 minutes, his sobriety began irritating me. In a display of complete maturity I called him a "boring fillet of serioso in a light sadness cream sauce". I'll redeem myself when I see him tonight.

Anyhow, the Boyf wasn't doing it for me and I decided that I just wanted to come home and listen to music. This activity was briefly interrupted by PDD who was on her webcam and hammered. I went to her site and despite the fact that she had absolutely no audience, I found her mid-dance and flashing her tits. Again, there was no audience. I love PDD tremendously.

After chatting with Whipslyme (aka Juk)- which is always a pleasure - I settled in for one of my infamous solo-parties. I busted out the ouzo and hooked up the iPod... I played one album the whole night- Madvillainy by Madvillain. It's astoundingly good and I listened to it over and over. It makes me happy, aroused and it is occasionally hilarious. The horniness led to much internet porn analysis. I opened an account at some porn site with my mother's credit card which seemed infinitely hysterical... but my infallible decency ensured that it was a cheap 3 day trial membership. By 6am, I was worn out and fell asleep.

Sometimes, solitude is incredibly gratifying. Today, I feel like shit. However, I did promise the Boyf a date, so I have to get it together.

Horny Barbapapas

Happy Saint Beef Patties Day! Are you going to get a shamrock shake at McDonald's?

I got my hair cut today at a little barbershop near my house that is owned by two elderly Greek brothers. They are very cute and sweet and of course assume that being Greek myself, I am supremely heterosexual and on the prowl for a wife. Usually, I can just ignore their sexy comments, but one time I was visibly distressed. They had just returned from a trip to Cuba and when one of the other patrons asked about their vacation, the older of the two brothers said: "Lotsa nice pussy in Cuba". I wanted to laugh and barf simultaneously. He then looked at me for confirmation of his diagnosis and all I could do was stare blankly thinking that I was shocked that an 80 year old Greek man would even know the word.

I'm curious as to how they would react if I had returned from a vacation and commented that "the cock was delicious and the ass wasn't half-bad either". I guarantee whatever the reaction, it would be hilarious.

Word of the day

Pterodactyl.

I have nothing else to say.

Genet is booked

I booked my summer trip to Europa yesterday and I am very thrilled. Going to spend some time in England to visit friends and attend a wedding and then saunter off to Paris for a few days. I'm hoping it will be a sexy adventure.

Toilet Drama

The public washroom in our office building has become a reliable source of amusement- and I'm not referring to glory holes. A minor war has erupted over bathroom etiquette and the perpetrator of these toilet crimes appears to be quite hilarious, as demonstrated in the note he left (the bottom note in the picture- click to enlarge). I could easily imagine myself writing this. I have to find out who this mystery man is and go on a date with him.

Genet is delayed

Last night I went over to the ?-Boyf's place. It was easy breezy cover girl.

In a possible sign of impending mental disability, I realized a couple of things about ?-Boyf that should have been totally obvious two years ago.

1] His adorable attempt to transform his pants into a girdle leads him to hike them so high that he looks like he has a cellulite-balloon ass and 4 camel toes.

2] He is a bear in denial. I have no idea why he resists this truth. Nor do I have any idea why it took me so long to realize this.

3] He is insecure about his hands. I suppose that I was oblivious to this because I think his hands are super hot. They are rough and chunky. Just looking at his fingers can give me a chubby within seconds. Any activities his hands partake in are somewhat out of my control, but should really involve at least one orifice. Sometimes he ignores the hands becuase of his insecurities and it makes me agitated.

4] While cuddling and laughing together last night, I realized that I would really love for his weird issues to disappear. If that were possible, I could spend a very long time happily resting in his arms, perpetually kissing and with his dick planted snugly in my ass. Oh, I forgot... If sex talk makes you uncomfortable, well, too late and calm down.

4] The games we invent are very stupid and invariably spiral out of control. For example, last night we played the "Dumb Sentence" game. The rule is that you have to invent a sentence that seems random and then the other party has to create a background story for the sentence in elaborate detail. The background story that gets the most laughs wins... nothing. The all-time best sentence still makes me laugh after a year. He simply chose "I'm the party". In a incredibly condensed form, the subtext centred around an insecure rural homo that went to the White Party in Miami dreaming of love and left with all his insecurities amplified, a very sore anus and the realization that none of the 83 people that fucked him in his search for love will ever think of him again. During his 59th hump, he suddenly understood that at some point he had left the club and was in his hotel room with a dozen strange men ready to mount him. It is at this point that he realized that he was no longer at the White Party, but instead, his desire to fit in using any means necessary made his orifices a party in themselves. A party that he pretended to relish but actually made him intensely ashamed.

PDD Tags Genet

"List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they are any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to."

PDD is cruelly forcing me to think. Being a bit of a music freak, I will actually enjoy this excercise and will exceed the 7 required by the dictatorial rules. Check out some of these bands because I have impeccable taste.

• STARS - Ageless Beauty
• BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE - Handjobs for the Holidays + 7/4 [Shoreline]
• GREAT LAKE SWIMMERS - Bodies + Minds
  
• SHOGUN KUNITOKI - Tropiikin Kuuma Huuma
• THE GO! TEAM - Huddle Formation
• STEREOLAB - Visionary Road Maps
• DEPECHE MODE - Precious
• THE HIDDEN CAMERAS - Smells Like Happiness
• MISS KITTIN - 1982
• QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE - No One Knows
• UNDERWORLD - Mmmmmm Skyscraper I Love You
• THE VASELINES - Rory Rides Me Raw
• THE NOTWIST - Consequence
• BJORK - Pagan Poetry
• BRITISH SEA POWER - Something Wicked
• BELLE + SEBASTIAN - Judy Is A Dickslap

Let's never get physical. Promise?

There's a guy that works in my office building that we will call Waterloo. He's one of those tech nerds that thinks he's really "wacky", charming and suave all at the same time. The reality is that his in merely insecure and hopeless. And he makes my penis retreat very deep into my body. He experimented with a goatee for a couple of months, clearly in an effort to beef up his masculine allure, but instead came off looking like a vaguely male version of Olivia Newton John.

There is really no point to this post. I've never even spoken to Waterloo and he's probably a decent guy. He also just happens to be a convenient target for my wrath. I'm in a crap mood today and right now, seeing Waterloo makes it difficult to believe that men give me a hard-on.

Nature sedates me

I went to see a naturopath the other day. I did so more out of curiosity than anything, but I also do want to improve my health after the years of abuse my body has withstood.

The initial appointment is 90 minutes long and involves a lengthy discussion about one's physical and mental states. I found that I downplayed certain things, like my drinking binges, since I felt a bizarre shame sitting across from a svelte, super-healthy lesbo. Having said that, I didn't pretend that I eat granola 24/7, swim in mango juice and hike to Nunavut on a down day either.

Anyhow, I actually enjoyed the naturopath experience and she gave me some feasible tips for better health. One thing she recommended was that I take some Melatonin before bed for a period of time to improve my sleeping habits (which are more of a disaster than Yanni). For the past two nights, I've followed her advice and have slept quite well. Problem is, there is a half-hour period before I fall asleep and after I've taken the Melatonin when I am deleriously drowsy, physically uncoordinated and restless. The result is that I look like an exhausted walrus / psychopath during this time. Then, just as suddenly as this has come on, I am peacefully asleep. Someone seeing this could be quite disturbed by the Jekyll and Hyde switch. So, peeps, my tip is: Only take Melatonin if you are alone or with people you can fart in front of.

Yanni mystery solved!

Apparently, Yianni did not disappear... he just got angry. What an asshole. Clearly, making boring and cheesy New-Age music does not necessarily make you civilized or calm. OK, I know, innocent until proven guilty. But considering his aesthetic crimes to date, he is essentially an evil genius as far as I'm concerned. Thanks to SusanD for the heads-up.

Now, does my curiosity about Yanni and the subsequent headline grabbing reveleations about him seem to imply that I am psychic? I tend to think so. PDD, you've met your match.

Oscars play it safe shocker

I'm not a fan of the award show. I find them bland and useless. Case in point, the marathonesque sedative the Oscars have become. Oh, and Crash beating out Brokeback Mountain... big shocker, there. A film about LA beating out a gay love story- who'd have thunk. Why I watch every year is a mystery to me.

In my world, I have aleady won an Oscar, so I've lost interest in the whole enterprise. Last year I received a trophy for Best Dramatic Performance in a Homosexual Relationship. It was a moving and inspirational moment.

I say the ?-Boyf on Saturday, which was nice. At one point of the evening, he reminded me about a conversation we had last summer. We were walking his dog after having spent a few near-perfect days together. I remember saying something to the effect of "wouldn't it be nice to do this together everyday, for a very long time?". The memory made him misty-eyed and he expressed that he indeed would find that nice. For a moment, I was convinced I felt the same way... but the reality is always more complex. Point is, I don't know what I want for us right now.

I'm always lethargic and maudlin on Mondays as if a full orchestra is playing deeply dramatic film scores in my head the entire day. I need to sleep...

Ewan McGregor ruined my life

For the second day this week, Genet is unimpressed with himself. Two days is nowhere near a record, but it is annoying nonetheless. First, it was the breaking of the glasses (see below). Today, I am crusty, have a headache and fear that I may potentially need to get my wisdom teeth yanked because my tooth is killing me. Not good all around. It's all put me in a less-than-stellar mood- so much so, that I am contemplating a heroin addiction to "cheer me up", or at least take my mind off things. I did really like Trainspotting, after all...

One definite bright spot today- I had the pleasure of meeting up with Nick for coffee this afternoon. Nick is a citizen of the blogosphere who is visiting the T-Dot to attend a wedding. He and his other half are planning a move to Toronto from the USofA in the very near future and our town would be lucky to have 'em here, so let's all hope it works out quickly and painlessly for them. And to Nick, efharisto for the company this afternoon and I hope to do it again soon.

I, mes amis, am going to pack up the 'puter, go home and will myself into a very brief coma. We'll take it from there. If someone sees me selling my ass on the streets of Vancouver's Downtown Eastside, you'll know that the heroin thing was not just an idle threat, but I doubt it'll come to that.

Klutz

Not one of my better moments this morning...

I was having a particularly... um... vivid sex-dream last night and in the process, knocked my glasses off the night stand. When I awoke, I stepped on them and totally busted the fuckers. Now, I have to wear my fugly "replacement pair", which totally detract from my beauty.

I'm annoyed.