Ugh

I'm sick, peeps. Feeling tremendously gross. On the upside, I haven't slept this much in ages. Good night.

Back in black

So the funeral was today. And it was... a funeral. The post-burial meal was fantastic. I always come away from Greek events with the following observations:

• we are primarily a very short race... quite hobbit-like
• Greek women incessantly whisper into each other's ears
• crying is a competitive sport
• frighteningly, many Greek men do not age very well
• a hot Greek guy can send me into a tizzy
  
• some Greeks have the friendliest eyes you will ever see, while some have evil, deep-set eyes that seem to reflect Satan
• Orthodox services are way too long... the chanting causes a simple syllabel to last 5 minutes
• people get offended when you can't remember who they are, even if you last saw them when you were shitting and pissing in their lap (of course, I'm referring to being a baby here)
  

Now, it's nap time and then, I head over to the Boyf's new place to "help" him paint (read: sit on the floor, drink and watch while he paints shirtless- yum).

Shall we dance?

Apparently, there is some crazy-ass nightclub opening up in Toronto soon. Called Circa, the concept sounds like it could be loads of fun- it aims to bring the city's partiers and art community within a unique space. If the music's good, I'm game. The "Bathhouse Bar", 15-foot hanging hippos with strobe lights and conveyor belt of robots seem like highlights.

I haven't been to a club in ages, but not because I am adverse to the idea... I just find that the mood strikes me randomly and when nobody else wants to go. It's supposed to open May 21 with DJ Tiesto. Could be interesting...

The Drama

First off, a shout out to all the Orthodoxxx peeps who celebrated Easter this past weekend... Now , the drama.

The other day, the Boyf and I decided that we were going to have a BBQ at his place. So, I headed over to his place at about 7:30. However, when the cab turned the corner onto his street, I was greeted by about 7 cop cars and was told that his street was on "lockdown" and I simultaneously received a text message from him that simply read "911". I couldn't go to his place and he was ordered to stay in his house. Why, you ask? BECAUSE THERE WAS A HOME INVASION HAPPENING IN THE HOUSE NEXT TO HIS. He could hear it. It could have been my baby getting the beats!

With my dinner plans put on hold, I went to a pub nearby and waited for the violence next door to stop. No less than 5 ETF (Emergency Task Force, aka SWAT Team) cars flew by, sirens wailing and all. After about an hour and a half, I was able to go to his place and we continued with our BBQ plans. The Boyf's area is by no stretch a "bad" part of town, but I am glad that he found a place to move into for May 1st (this was planned for before the dramatic events). Oh... the neighbour's were slapped around, but are fine. I have to say, though, they are a very weird couple and I'm kind of not surprised that something like this happened to them... in fact, I forbade the Boyf from looking in their direction months ago as I thought they were mental.

To add to the drama, my uncle passed away on Saturday, meaning that the week will be chock-a-block with wailing Greek ladies. Death is seriously not fun and has to stop making an annual appearance in my family.

Hope y'all are well and healthy and happy.

Coming this May

The wording of this poster seems like pure Quebecker to me, but who cares when the image is so beautifully Canadian?

Not really in the mood to post. Had some dramatic moments a couple of days ago that are hilarious/disturbing, but I'll fill y'all in later.

Well, it is spring after all...

... but I still should calm down the horny posts. So, instead, I will jot down some (non-sexual) things that I currently love:

• the smell of fresh dill
• pistachios
• Islands new album Return to the Sea - at least on first listen
  
• the idea that I am going to see Scary Movie 4 tonight
• the beginning of my loft search
• Toronto's (film and other) festival season starting
• having a pint on a patio on warm spring nights
• saying "Kimmy Gibbler" over and over again

I could use 'le petit mort' right now

The Fraunch call an orgasm le petit mort, or 'the little death'. Seems rather appropriate considering that it does feel like a little taste of heaven, non?

At the moment, my balls are full to brimming, lounging around my knees and needing release. I was interrupted mid-wank last night and had to stop the party and haven't had the chance to re-start it since, resulting in a ferocious case of blue balls. Now, my groinal friends hurt to the touch.

I'm reminded of my favourite (if that's possible) case of blue balls.

Picture it... Leeds, England... 1998...

I went on a couple of dates with a guy that I met at the Leeds Mr. Gay UK pageant (I kid you not). We met when I pushed him into the centre of the dancefloor when the host asked if any audience member wanted to become a contestant. He was from Wakefield but was in town visiting his gay identical twin (see, it is genetic) in Leeds and was staying with him. I stayed with them and we were both very drunk. He clearly was uncoordinated when under the influence and was doing everything wrong, which made it impossible for me to jizz. Blue balls set in and I became furious. I may have sort have hit him. I fell asleep for a while, woke up, found him in the living room and apologized by giving him a blow... except it wasn't him... it was his brother. Very confusing. We didn't really see much of each other after that. Mind you, I did receive a letter from him about six months later back home in Toronto... Atrocious handwriting and very disturbing grammatical errors...

Cleveland - The Finale

As predicted, the dinner was boring. However, Yoda 2 (the Beyoncé's mother) is a fantastic cook and whipped up a delicious pork in mushroom sauce which made me ecstatic. The woman is seriously off-kilter though. First, she was trying to convince me to get American citizenship which (a) I have no inclination to do, (b) is a bit more complex than telling the US authorities that Beyoncé's mommy wants me to and (c) what would be the reason? Anyhow, shot that one down. Then she was telling me that some mystical figure gave her "secret" knowledge that the Vatican is hiding from us... She would not share this "information" with me, however, because I am not a "true believer". Umm... I think she meant that she just read The DaVinci Code, like everybody else on the continent. Despite her weirdness, she is a lovely woman.

Day 3 of the trip was almost entirely inconsequential, except that I saw an enormous beluga of a man fall - two tumbles in one weekend!

We headed home at about 4:30 and were in Toronto by 9. Not bad.

Oh, I almost forgot ... the mens of Cleveland. There were quite a few hotties. I'm not sure if it was the areas I visited, but many, many people had a very uniform preppy look that got increasingly tedious as time went on. I'm sick to death of crew-cuts, sandals, khakis and dress shirts. I suppose it is the all-American look, after all. The bartender at the hotel, however, was super-hot, but sadly, not up for it...

Cleveland Part 2

We spent the afternoon in "Little Italy" which, compared to the one I'm used to, is super miniscule- as in 10 shops. But it was really cute strip and the sun is shining. Cleveland is much nicer than Buffalo, at least by my criteria. The part of downtown we are staying in is strangely void of people- no pedestrians, nothing. However, there are a couple of streets a bit outside our immediate area that seem to have some life. Downtown Toronto is like an enormous blob that contains many amorphous neighbourhoods. The impression I get is that the neighbourhoods here are physically seperate and sometimes quite far apart from each other.

Another thing... from the TV to billboards to the number of churches, it is clear that religion is way cooler here than it is back home.

Sadly, nothing very eventful happened today. Except the Beyoncé's mother fell and I almost choked trying to contain my laughter. She is a kind woman, but a bit nuts... in a good way.

We're having dinner tonight at Tenis and the Beyoncé's apartment. I predict I will be bored.

Cleveland Part 1

Not much to say, really, as we just recently arrived at the hotel and I'm getting ready for bed. All I've seen of Cleveland is darkness and office building lights.

However, I always get freaked out when crossing the border. First I get needlessly apprehensive when the passports get inspected and the usual questions are asked. I have nothing to fear, but I get nervous.

Then I am always fascinated that crossing a thin, invisible line in the Niagara River separates so much difference. Contrary to popular belief, the US and Canada are not identical. There are vast difference- the infrastructure of the cities, the attitudes of the people, the way things look and the general vibe of the place.

Four examples, all in Buffalo. A roughneck came up to my rolled down window and in a menacing/desperate way pleaded for me to throw out my cigarette so that he could smoke it- not an unsmoked cigarette, but the one in my hand. Knowing that guns are cool down here, I threw it on to the ground and lit another one. Then I developed a romantic notion that this was some kind of abstract kiss- our lips touching via a smoke. Much more likely, he was a creepy guy who was vaguely intimidating and at some level wanted exactly what I had. Second, a couple driving in front of us threw out their half full (or empty) coffee cups out the window on the Interstate... this would be impossible in Canada and I found it totally shocking and immediately was convinced that the couple were both tremendous assholes. Third, there are billboards for lawyers every two seconds. Fourth, sidewalks are not very popular and are sometimes more like very narrow footpaths. One more, politeness seems to impress people here.

I must admit, though, there is a beautiful, grandiose 1920s building in Buffalo that is impressive. Apparently, there is a lot of great architecture there, but it doesn't intrigue me enough to want to visit.

Another surprise is how quiet the area of downtown Cleveland we are staying at is on Friday night...

Anyhow, I'm off to bed. We'll see what Cleveland in the daylight has to offer.

Amerikkka

I'm off to the US of not very Gay this weekend...

Tenis, Yoda and myself are heading to Cleveland to visit with the Beyoncé and his entertainingly unhinged German mother.

I really wish that I could stay home instead, but I promised to go along. Note to self: don't promise anything anymore.

Let me introduce you to... Cicciolina

Former Italian parliamentarian / hardcore porn actress, Cicciolina (meaning 'cudddles' in Italian) has recently demonstrated true selflessness and innovative thinking. She has offered herself, body and soul, to Osama bin Laden with the stipulation that he "put an end to his tyranny". She also made a similar offer to Saddam, which he obviously did not take her up on.

Here's a great quote from her:

"I am here not showing my breasts. Now I am speaking about poor people so it is not necessary—not because I don't have beautiful breasts ... even now. But it's not necessary showing because poor people have no interest in my breasts."

Good Times

I am having a tremendously delicious lunch at the moment and I don't care if it makes me sound like I'm 6 years old. Mac + cheese with chopped up hot dog. Totally delish.

The Boyf cycled down to my office for a surprise visit. He brought some peanut butter cookies that he made along with a card. He can be such a sweetheart.

The lunch, the visit and the beautiful weather are all making today a good day. I like those.

Ummm... WHERE THE FUCK WAS I?

I loved the first couple of seasons of Oz. I don't really remember the plot, but I definitely do remember the mens. Fucking delicious. However, the beauty in the photos above somehow escaped my horny gaze... I LOVE HIM. I love him more than I love the Boyf. Or Canada. Or Earth.

I may need a "special" bathroom break at some point today.

Spam-a-rama

Have the nerds that send out spam finally run out of proper English names for their fake senders? Or, have they just developed a sense of humour? I received some junk mail today from one "Depression E. Nastiness". Am I the only one? Should I be taking this personally?

LED-signs rebel!

Someone at U of T hijacked the LED display that construction workers use and turned it into an anti-car billboard. I like this kind of "activism"... It makes its point humorously. It's almost camp.

I don't drive myself, although I am in the process of taking lessons. I still don't like driving and would much prefer a chauffeur. Even a rickshaw would suffice... a rickshaw powered by a naked man of my choosing would be even better...

Blah

I feel like shit today. I'm light-headed and nauseous and earlier, I broke into a bizarre sweat.

For the second consecutive day, I'm not in the mood to post. So, here... perhaps you will find this interesting.

Mr. Birthday

I'm not in the mood to blog today, so instead, I will refer you to this BBC article which celebrates the 35th birthday of the Mr. Men series of books. Enjoy.

I think someone should come up with an adult version of these books... Could be hilarious.

... and then the Holy Water started boiling ...

In a display of true commitment and fake religious conviction, Tenis' fiancé got baptised into the Greek-Orthodox Church. He's German... or rather, he was until Saturday. Now, he's one of us. He had to do this in order for them to get married à la grec, which our family kind of insisted upon solely for maintaining tradition.

The ceremony was hilarious. He was asked to "renounce Satan" and most strangely, he had to turn his head, blow three little puffs of air followed by three spittles. This was his symbolic "bye-bye" to Lucifer.

Then, shockingly, the preist brought us to an enormous cauldron. I kid you not. I imagined they would throw a bucket of water at him or something, but no, he had to climb a ladder and was dunked three times. I had a very hard time keeping it together.

After the baptism, the priest said to me: "Now it's your turn for us to marry you". I just replied that I really don't think that will be happening.